[SIREN WAILING]
BALLADEER: Hazzard County, U.S.A.
For all y'all that ain't ever been there, you better buckle up...
...because you're in for a ride.
Lots of folks have been curious about what ever happened...
...to the Dukes of old Hazzard County.
First, there's Bo.
One day, old Bo was driving to Nashville to see the Opry...
...but took a wrong turn at Charlotte...
...which turned out good because now he's a racecar driver on the pro circuit.
That's him in that fancy sports car heading for Hazzard.
And Luke Duke was full of plans to leave Hazzard and set the world on fire.
But instead old Luke's putting out fires...
...as senior smokejumper for the Forestry Service.
Now, that's hot.
Sweet Daisy Duke followed her heart after some slick Romeo.
It didn't work out, but, friend, you talk about changes.
The Duke on her jacket doesn't mean her name.
That's where she goes to graduate school, getting a Ph.D. in ecology.
Yeah, that Daisy.
Remember old Cooter?
He took a bath and had a shave and got himself elected to Congress.
Only in America.
Now, Boss Hogg is passed, God rest him...
...but he left his empire to Sheriff Rosco...
...and Rosco's doing his best to maintain Boss Hogg's high standard of low villainy.
But he's still Rosco.
And Uncle Jesse is the grand marshal of the whole reunion...
...if they can ever get it off the ground.
Wait a minute. Wait, you're stopping it.
BALLADEER: Anyway, you'll see everybody...
because they're all coming to the Hazzard homecoming.
And believe me, you don't wanna miss that.
- Uncle Jesse. Hey. JESSE: Cooter.
- Good to see you. -You look great.
You know what? You drove all the way from Washington D.C...
...and got here before anybody else.
I wouldn't have missed this for the world. Now tell me what's gonna happen.
Well, we're pulling out all the stops.
We're gonna have ourselves a possum cook-off.
COOTER: Mm-hm.
And I'm entered into the rattlesnake-chili cook-off.
You know, that's a hard one to win...
...because it calls for a scratch recipe. and you start with a live snake.
Well. that ought to thin out the competition.
Oh, it does.
I'm telling you, old Hazzard ain't changed a whole lot.
Hello, Sam, Martha.
COOTER: Well, now, wait just a minute here.
Those folks just snubbed you, Uncle Jesse.
JESSE: Never mind, Cooter.
Would you look at that?
We had to change the name of the Hazzard County Tough Man Contest...
...to the Tough Person Contest.
- How come? -Well, Bertha Jo Barlow entered.
And in a way, she is the toughest man in Hazzard County.
Hey, Bertha Jo.
Uncle Jesse.
[JESSE CHUCKLES]
JESSE: You know Cooter here.
COOTER: Yeah, how you been, girl?
Cooter. Oh, it's good to see you.
When's Daisy coming? I'm dying to see her.
Well, they're due in around 12:00. Come by.
Oh, I can't. Today's first-round eliminations.
- Well, stomp them good. -Okay.
- I've gotta run. Bye. -Bye, Bertha Jo.
Hey there, Jake.
All right, Uncle Jesse.
What's going on?
Well. a lot more than the homecoming.
Your Uncle Jesse's in big trouble, Cooter.
So you can't tell me anything?
Well, Cooter, my stomach just won't stand to tell that story more than once.
So you just wait till everybody gets here and I'll tell you.
All right.
[CAR BACKFIRING]
That'll be Bo.
Sounds like he's got a bad cold.
Hey, Bo.
Well, you sure as heck ain't Bo.
Hey, darling.
BO: Hey, hey, Uncle Jesse. -There he is.
- Cooter. COOTER: Hey, Bo.
Well. if you two ain't a sight for sore eyes. Look at you.
- Look at you. JESSE: You rascal.
BO: Oh, hey, wait, excuse me.
Y'all, I want you to meet Tammy.
She is Miss Talladega Raceway.
She gave me a ride when my car wrecked.
Ma'am, can you stay for ribs?
No, Uncle Jesse. Thanks.
- Tammy, thanks a lot. -Any old time, Bo.
- All right. TAMMY: Bye.
Bye now.
She's so good-looking it hurts.
Yeah, that Tammy ain't half bad, either.
I'm kidding you. I'm kidding you, Cooter.
Look at you. with a suit and tie on. Don't you look like something else--
[MOTORCYCLE APPROACHING]
- Ribs ready? JESSE: Waiting.
I've been riding this hog since dawn.
COOTER: Hey. BO: Hey, Daisy.
- You're a sight for sore eyes. DAISY: Hey. Cooter.
I'm so proud of you. You served in Congress.
Me? How about you?
Going off to graduate school. getting a Ph.D.
DAISY: Well, working on it. BO: Hey, come here, you.
- You look great. -Well, thank you, honey.
So, what's new?
- Well. I wrecked my car. JESSE: That's not new.
[ALL LAUGHING]
Which race?
Well. it was actually on the way to the track.
- No. -The ribs are ready.
BO: Hey, hey, hey.
- You ain't lost that old barbecue touch. DAISY: Uh-uh.
[HORN HONKING]
That'll be Luke.
- See you later, guy. LUKE: All right.
MAN: Take her easy, now. LUKE: Be good.
- See you all later. -What happened to his car?
Well, he's a smokejumper for the Forest Service now.
He probably just got a ride with those people.
Here, have this one.
Hey, how long's that boy been out of Hazzard?
[LAUGHING]
- Gotcha, Cooter. -We gotcha.
LUKE: See you. -Sure.
All right, now.
BALLADEER: Now that everybody finally showed up...
...it was time for Uncle Jesse to explain why he was in trouble.
Here they are, Uncle Jesse.
JESSE: Pass them out, Bo. -Yes, sir.
JESSE: So. what's going on here is more than just a homecoming festival.
Sometime ago, a big-city developer by the name of Jo Max came to town...
...and offered to build a Hazzard County theme park.
COOTER: Theme park? BO: Jo Max?
Shoot, even the name sounds like a big shot.
JESSE: She is. -She?
Jo stands for Josephine. Her name is Josephine Max.
- And they call her Mama Max. -So, what's the catch?
JESSE: They're gonna build it in Hazzard Swamp.
Oh, wait a minute, won't that ruin the swamp?
Yeah. And in order to get to it. they have to go across our property.
So Mama Max sued me for access to the swamp.
Hey, wait a minute. She can't do that, can she?
And folks are very unhappy about that. They want those jobs and that money.
- And I'm the one preventing it. -But they mustn't destroy the swamp.
That swamp has been a haven for wildlife ever since God created it.
- That's right. COOTER: It sure has.
Now, they've called a press conference to make some kind of announcement.
- What about? JESSE: And Boss Rosco is--
- Boss Rosco? -Boss Rosco?
- What? JESSE: Well, yeah.
Since Boss Hogg died, Rosco inherited his whole empire.
BALLADEER: So now old Rosco wears two hats, sheriff and boss commissioner.
And Cletus is now chief deputy, driver and dog nanny.
Rosco tries hard to run things just like Boss did: crooked.
ROSCO: Ladies and gentlemen.
Today, our honored guest is a famous developer.
Now, she doesn't need any introduction, so I'm gonna introduce her...
...Miss Mama Jo Max.
BALLADEER: Rosco and Mama Max are tangled together thick as kudzu.
Thank you, fine citizens and neighbors of Hazzard.
I wish to tell you today that on Saturday...
...we are gonna sign the lease for 99 years for Hazzard Swamp...
...where we will develop and build a magnificent theme park.
[CROWD CHEERING]
Even though our good neighbor, Mr. Jesse Duke...
...has denied us access across his land.
WOMAN: Oh, no. MAN: Jesse.
[CROWD GRUMBLING]
MAX: We are gonna have that theme park...
...even if we have to build a causeway over the swamp.
[CROWD CHEERING]
However, that would mean at least a three-year delay.
[CROWD GROANING AND BOOING]
MAX: Now, let's just get on with the celebration. Rosco.
- Now, boss? Now, boss? -No, not now, you lug nut.
Now, I have had a wonderful idea.
I was just thinking. what if we had an overland moonshine race...
...like we used to have with the famous General Lee of the Dukes?
You know. And I have convinced Miss Mama Jo Max to sponsor a vehicle...
...to race against for the $1000 prize.
[CROWD CHEERING]
Of course, we all know that the General Lee is long gone.
What do you mean, long gone?
General Lee's family.
And he's been stored over in Cooter's garage.
Oh, isn't that wonderful. Now, Cletus.
CLETUS: Now? ROSCO: Yes, now.
Uh...
Then why don't we--?
Here. Take this.
Then why don't we have an overland car race...
...between the challenger and the General Lee?
[CROWD CHEERING]
What a great idea.
- If the General Lee is up to it. -Well, now, hang on a minute, y'all.
The General's been sitting up for years and he might not even crank.
- I agree. MAX: Wait a minute...
...I just had a good idea of how to avoid the three-year delay...
...in the theme park.
How about a sporting wager, Mr. Duke?
If the General Lee wins. you win $1000...
...plus we'll drop the lawsuit.
But if the challenge car wins...
...you give us access across your land...
...and there will be immediate jobs for everybody.
- Lady-- -Hang on, Bo--
- You got yourself a bet! -This is a setup.
Done deal.
[MOTOR REVING]
What's that?
Our challenge car.
[TIRES SCREECHING]
Hi.
- Hey, ain't that Buzz? LUKE: And the Double Zero.
Yep. The only car that ever whipped the General in an overland race.
- Thanks for reminding us. -Listen to that engine.
- Couldn't you see it's a setup? -So what? It's the only race we got.
I agree with Bo.
Come on, y'all. Let's go see if we got a racecar to race with.
ANNOUNCER: In this contest, anything goes.
BALLADEER: While the boys took off to find General Lee...
...Daisy went to the Tough Person Contest to cheer her friend, Bertha Jo.
All right. let's have a clean, dirty fight.
Okay.
Get him, Bertha Jo! Get him!
BALLADEER: The rules were very strict.
- No guns, knives or bottles. - Let's fight.
[CHEERING]
BALLADEER: You see, Bertha Jo's daddy raised mules.
The first time she was kicked in the head, she got the idea for fighting mule-style:
[GRUNTING]
For she'd simply kick her opponent out of the ring.
[JESSE LAUGHING]
MAN: Get up!
BALLADEER: Again...
...and again.
JESSE: Looking good, Bertha Jo!
BALLADEER: And so on, until he was plum wore out just trying to get back in the ring.
[CROWD CHEERING]
ANNOUNCER: One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine--
[ROSCO AND MAX LAUGHING]
Boss Hogg would be mighty proud of you, Mama Jo.
- Oh, thanks. -You're slick. Very slick.
[PHONE RINGING]
Thank you, and you know, you can call me Josephine.
- Josephine. -Have a cigar.
Oh, okay. Oh, Josephine.
Yeah.
You know, the first time I saw your name, J-O...
...I thought you were a man that couldn't spell “Joe.“
And the first time I saw you, well, I knew you were also a lawman.
- And you reminded me of someone, but-- -Mm-hm?
- Clint. Clint Eastwood. -Mm.
Yes! It's the way you carry yourself.
Oh.
- Yeah. A lot of people notice that. -Oh, I bet they do. Yeah.
You know, when I showed you that old swamp...
...well, you know, I knew we were gonna have trouble with the Dukes.
- You know, we gotta win that race. -Oh, we will.
- We will. -Rosco, darling.
What?
Do you know how much money theme parks make?
Are you kidding?
- How much? -Tons.
- Tons? -Tons.
Is that more than a thousand?
Oh yeah, way more, and you're gonna get your cut just like we agreed.
Shh. Shh.
Oh, oh, oh. Shh. Shh.
Okay, see you later.
- Clint. -Mm.
Yes. You just...
[ROSCO BABBLING]
“Clint“? What do you think's wrong with that woman's eyes, boss?
What you talking about? Any half-wit can see the resemblance.
Well, I can't.
You could if you wanna keep your job.
[COUGHS]
Just a minute.
Say “Make my day.“
All right, punk...
...make my day.
You give me chills, Clint.
That's Boss Clint.
Boss-- Boss Clint.
Well...
[COUGHS]
...all right.
[CIGAR HISSES]
If that idiot ever got any money, somebody would have to count it for him.
Okay, now let's go get our ringer.
What ringer?
Oh, a little insurance named Kam Cutler.
A disbarred race driver.
BALLADEER: Kam was so mean...
...he couldn't resist causing trouble even when he wasn't racing.
[TIRES SCREECHING]
COOTER: Well, I sold off all my tools...
...took all them junk cars and put them in the old barn there.
- General Lee's in there too. -it looks like it's haunted to me, Cooter.
It's haunted all right, by a lot of great memories.
Good to see the General a--
BO: Hey, Cooter...
...where exactly did you say you put the General?
He's gone.
I was wrong before.
Now we've been had.
BALLADEER: You can't say those Duke boys aren't perceptive.
BO: Well, isn't this great?
Bet the farm on a race we got no car to race with.
ENOS: What are you boys doing?
COOTER: Hey! BO: How are you?
Hey, Enos.
It's good to see you.
- Hey, look at you. ENOS: Hey, Bo.
All the way from Los Angeles.
Tell me, how's the pride of the L.A.P.D. doing?
Hey, great. Traffic tickets are up, crime is down.
Hey, is Daisy around?
- No, she's back at the farm. -What are y'all doing here?
We came here to pick up General Lee and it looks like it disappeared.
Me and my big mouth got us snookered into an overland car race...
...with a couple of real shady characters.
We come here to get the car and he's missing.
- The whole thing smells like a setup. BO: I think they took him.
Well, they must be smart, planning so long ago.
LUKE: What do you mean?
That layer of dust on the floor.
Only your footprints.
No tire tracks.
Must have been a long time since the General Lee disappeared.
Well. I gotta go find Daisy. Sure good seeing y'all again.
- Good to see you, Enos. -I'll see y'all later. Cooter. Thanks a lot.
Duh!
Looks like he learned a whole heck of a lot out there in L.A.
We were all so stunned by the General being gone...
...we didn't even think to look for tire tracks.
The last person who would have been in here three years ago, Red Perkins.
I gave him the junk cars, he must have took the General.
Absolutely.
BALLADEER: Red Perkins was the second-best mechanic in Hazzard...
...but when Cooter went to Congress, Red became number one.
Hey. Hey, Red, what you doing, you sorry old ridgerunner?
Ridgerunner, moi?
You mean my daddy.
Retired. Florida.
Mavis? Is that you?
Hey, hey, fellas.
Hey, gator!
Hey, Mavis.
- Gal, I believe you done grown up on us. -Yeah.
- Very nicely too. -I'll say.
- Well, thank you. -You know, we're looking...
Do you know what your daddy did with them old cars I gave him?
Yeah, sent them to the car crusher.
Oh, no.
- See, he... -Yeah?
Old Red took a car by mistake--
-it was an orange stock car with a 01-- -And a flag on the top?
- General Lee. -That's him.
Oh. yeah. Yeah. Romeo's using it.
[ROOSTER CROWING]
Who's Romeo?
MAVIS: Romeo is our rooster.
Daddy was sending this car to the crusher when something made him stop.
He said it was just too pretty to destroy.
- Well, Mavis... MAVIS: Yes?
...your daddy has got a whole lot of soul.
Wow.
I had actually forgotten how great-looking this car is.
The General just added to his legend. Too pretty to die.
MAVIS: Okay, I'm gonna leave so you men can have a good cry.
COOTER: Okay.
So Mama Max didn't steal him.
No, but that doesn't mean we weren't set up.
You know, Uncle Jesse, I still always try to get the peeling in one piece.
You know what the old-timers say: if you throw it over your left shoulder...
...it'll form the initial of the person you're gonna marry.
I already had one bad marriage.
L.D. ran off, I divorced him. and I swore never again.
I know. I'm gonna put these in to soak.
Why not?
Hey, Daisy.
Enos.
- Oh! -I knocked in front, but nobody answered.
You look wonderful.
Daisy, it's a miracle. You're more beautiful than ever.
Oh, you old honey-tongue, you.
- Here. -What's this?
Just some letters. I wrote you every week.
Sometimes twice, but I couldn't bring myself to mail them.
There's so many.
Four hundred and seventy-six. it's been a while.
It really has.
It'll give you something to read this year.
[BOTH LAUGHING]
Enos, you are so amazing.
- Come on up. ENOS: Daisy?
Let's go out tomorrow night.
We'll do the whole town.
Barbecue at the Boar's Nest, frozen custard at the Dairy Queen.
- The works. -I'd love to.
- You would? -Yes.
Well, great. Great.
Well, I haven't been home yet to see my folks.
I guess I better go.
- Oh, hey, Uncle Jesse. -Hey, Enos.
Come on up and sit a spell.
Well, he hasn't changed.
I'm not so sure.
BALLADEER: Now, friends, that is a pathetic sight.
We're gonna have to work all night and all day to get the General right.
And we ought to be praying on a miracle.
We'll do it.
Oh, wow, will you look at that. Poor old General Lee.
Oh, there ain't nothing wrong with the General Lee.
What? You better look through here, boss.
Get those glasses away from me.
See, they ain't seen the day they could fool Rosco P. Coltrane.
Ain't that right, Toodles?
ROSCO: Sneaky. You know, those Duke boys are sneaky, you know?
Did you see what they did?
They dirtied that General Lee down and then they towed it around so I'd see it.
- They're in trouble! -Yes! No, not in trouble.
If they were in trouble, they pretended they weren't.
But they didn't, so they ain't. You got it?
No. It must be a boy thing.
Well, there's nothing wrong with the General Lee.
And this Buzz, you know, that worries me...
...because he's gotta beat Bo Duke, and Bo Duke is a professional driver.
MAX: Buzz Kilroy is not driving for us. -Yeah?
No?
Kam, come here a minute.
You're gonna like this.
Meet Kam Cutler.
He's been outlawed on every pro track in the country. He's our driver.
Oh.
He? Oh, I love it. I love it.
And we've got some other surprises for the Duke boys along the way.
- We certainly do. Now come on, boss. -Yeah?
- Why don't you just head over to the bank... -Yeah?
...and see if they won't let you practice counting money, okay, Clint?
[STAMMERING]
Counting...
Oh, that does it.
That is the dumbest primate in this galaxy.
Yeah, a car ages about like a horse. You know, one year's equal to six.
Poppa said seven.
BO: Ta-da, look at this.
Shoot, that'd make the General over 100, wouldn't it?
Yeah, older than that.
Y'all sure know how to build confidence. Let's get after it.
[ROOSTER CACKLING]
BALLADEER: The next day at the Tough Person Contest...
...Bertha Jo kicked her way to another victory.
Bertha Jo. Way to go, girl. Way to go. Oh, get over here.
You don't know what it means to have you cheering for me again.
You were there when I tried out for the Atlanta Falcons.
And you should've made that team.
Bertha Jo, I just know you're gonna win.
- That's what I'm afraid of. -What?
- You don't wanna win? -Not if it means beating Bubba.
Why, who's Bubba?
That's Bubba.
- The cute one. -Which cute one?
- The one with the beard, silly. -Oh.
Isn't he gorgeous?
DAISY: Look out, Brad Pitt. -Oh, Daisy...
...I love Bubba something terrible. -Oh.
Can you believe we've been together for a year?
- That's wonderful. -Yeah, I know. But don't you see...
...if we both make the finals, I'll have to fight Bubba.
I might win.
DAISY: Well, isn't that the point?
Love is real strange, Daisy.
When I beat him at the Hazzard arm-wrestling contest...
-...he wouldn't speak to me for a week. -Oh, men are such babies.
Beating a man in private is one thing.
But beating him in public, that does something to his ego.
So I'm gonna have to throw the fight.
What? B.J. you can't do that.
Women everywhere are counting on you.
What kind of a man would want a woman who would throw a fight, huh?
- You really think so? -Oh, absolutely.
Women's honor is at stake, and your integrity.
Now, if you really love Bubba...
...you'll mop the floor with him.
Besides, maybe he won't make the finals.
[CROWD CHEERING]
Don't count on it.
BALLADEER: Friends, this plot is downright Shakespearean.
And while Daisy was counseling Bertha Jo...
...the boys were working all through the night.
[MOTOR REVING]
Yes!
[ALL CHEERING]
Man, that is as beautiful as an old Hank Williams song.
Hey, now. Listen, just take it easy, except on the straightaways.
I don't want no jumping at all.
Go easy on the curves. This suspension's still a little squirrelly.
So no matter what you do, please, take it--
[ENGINE ROARING]
All right.
BALLADEER: It just so happened that on that same road...
...old Cletus was doing speed trap duty.
[GENERAL LEE'S HORN HONKS “DIXIE"]
[CLETUS BABBLING]
Boss-- I mean. sheriff...
...General Lee just ran our speed trap.
[SIREN WAILING]
ROSCO [OVER RADIO]: Well, go after him.
And then I'll head south and we'll box him in.
Oh, goody.
I knew there was nothing wrong with that dang General Lee.
Hot pursuit!
[SIREN WAILING]
We got company.
Hey, isn't that Cletus?
- Hey, Cletus. -Just like old times.
I got them in sight, sheriff.
ROSCO: Well, stay with them, lug nut. I'm coming, I'm coming.
I'm closing in on them, sheriff.
Me too. I love it.
Oh, we got them trapped like rats.
Stay with them, Cletus.
You are aware this road goes to Dry Creek.
I am aware that this road goes to Dry Creek.
You are aware there's no way to get over Dry Creek.
I am aware that there's one way to get over Dry Creek.
LUKE: Oh, Lord, we're gonna die.
Yee-haw!
Hang on, Luke.
Whoa! Oh!
[ROSCO SCREAMING]
[DOG WHIMPERING]
You all right?
BALLADEER: Which is not the way to get over Dry Creek.
- The General can still outrun old Rosco. -Yep.
- What do you say we try some curves. huh? -Why not?
Well, well, the so-called General Lee. Here they come.
Let's see what they got.
They're not making cars like this anymore.
LUKE: People must not have enough to do today.
We got company again. I don't recognize these guys.
It's looking awful close.
LUKE: Who are those guys? -I don't know.
- They're wearing crash helmets? -We can't today. No way.
- They really wanna race. -We gotta save it for Saturday.
- They won't take no for an answer. -We can't do it.
The suspension won't do it.
Hey, what are you doing, now?
- What's the matter with those guys? - They look serious. Look out.
Well, you haven't lost your touch.
BALLADEER: Y'all hang on... - Baseball cards.
BALLADEER: ...we're just getting started. -Yeah, look.
ENOS: Oh, you ready? -Sure am.
Oh.
But I wasn't ready for that.
I've been planning for years to do that, Daisy.
Ever since you kissed me goodbye.
It's worth the wait.
Almost.
BALLADEER: The old Boar's Nest was destroyed during a wedding reception...
...so a new one opened up across town.
[SINGING “OH SUSANNA"]
LUKE: Sounded painful. COOTER: Yep.
Y'all, I'm gonna take it in and start beating it out.
I think you need to take the night off.
- Hey. stay out of trouble. BO: Oh, yeah.
Well, there it is, Luke. The Boar's Nest.
- Where we learned all our social skills. -That explains why we're still single.
- You think? LUKE: I know.
BO: Come on in.
[PEOPLE CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]
- Here's to good times. - And good memories.
- And absent friends, huh? -Amen.
- Here, I'll-- ENOS: Yeah.
[ALL LAUGHING]
So these guys just rammed you off the road?
- Yep. -So you have no idea who they are?
I couldn't really see. They had helmets on.
But I tell you what--
[MEN LAUGHING]
[CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]
Hey, Luke? -Hmm?
-Isn't that...? -it sure is.
MAX: You know, without the helmet on, I do recognize the driver.
He's a disbarred race driver named Kam Cutler.
Oh, Luke.
- They wouldn't. -You wanna bet?
BO: Shall we? -Let's do it.
BO: Excuse us. DAISY: Sure.
Wait, wait, now. You missed the best part here.
My buddy Kam here, he gives them a little love tap...
...and they just flip over.
[LAUGHING]
- Fools gotta flip. -Evening ladies.
Well, well, well, if it's not the Hazzard lug nuts.
What could we do for you boys?
Well, I was hoping that you could give me Kam there's autograph.
That is, if he can write.
MAN: Ooh. -Ooh.
We figured since you was responsible for our wreck...
...you might wanna contribute to our car-repair fund.
Oh, hey, hey. I will pay for the whole car.
Let's see here.
Here's a dollar.
[LAUGHING]
MAN: There's a dollar.
- I'm offended. Are you offended? -I'm offended.
[GRUNTING]
- Daisy, would you excuse me, please? -Sure.
That ain't fair, buddy-ro.
Get off of me.
LUKE: Well, look what we have here.
Howdy, Kam.
Why don't you take your dollar back and get a haircut?
[LAUGHING]
See you at the starting line.
BALLADEER: Can't nobody say they don't know how to have fun in Hazzard.
Ryker, where'd you hire that muscle, Cirque du Soleil?
Those clowns fight like ballet dancers.
- Come on, get tough. -Ow.
Yes, Mama. Will you stop it?
You know what? One more stunt like this...
...and y'all are gonna race in a big orange pile of parts.
Wish I knew what they was up to.
They snooker us into making a bet...
...they hire an outlaw driver, wreck our car and pick a fight with us.
What exactly makes you think they're up to something?
[CHUCKLES]
It's almost enough to make a man consider a few tricks of his own.
You start acting like your enemy, what makes you any better?
I've been up pacing the floor all night worrying.
Why'd they even talk us into this race?
If they lose, they build the causeway and they got the theme park.
- No, there'll be no theme park. -What?
Back in '41
...the Army Corps of Engineers was gonna build a causeway...
...as a shortcut to Fort Hooker and they found out there's no bedrock.
So they can't build it.
Mama Max knows that.
Now, you boys gotta win this race...
...and you gotta win it fair and square.
Get back to work.
MAX: Twenty-four thousand five.
- Twenty-five thousand dollars. -Five thousand dollars. Oh!
You get the next 75,000 when the lease is signed on Saturday.
Well, listen, don't you worry about that, you know.
- What I worry about is this Kam... -Kam.
Yeah, whatever, beating Bo Duke, you know.
Listen, you have no idea what that General Lee can do.
He ain't human.
Honey, do you really think that old relic can beat the Double Zero?
- Oh, no. -No.
- Never. -No.
Ain't no way he can fight the king.
- Come with me, Clint. -Clint.
- Take your money. -Oh, yes.
- Yeah, don't forget that. -No.
- Come on. -A lot of doggy num-nums in here.
MAX: Yeah.
Ta-da.
You're gonna enter two vehicles dressed alike?
Oh, that's cute. But you see they only look alike.
Kam.
They do look alike if you--
[ROSCO BABBLING]
That is not a stock-car engine.
- No. -No.
That is a super turbo-charged racing engine.
Nothing in this country can catch it.
- Well, that's illegal. -You're very quick.
Well, they're gonna check that engine when you take it up to the starting line.
No. They won't be checking this engine.
They'll be checking that engine.
- Well, they're gonna check... -Get it?
Well, l...
No, I don't get it exactly.
- Well, it will come to you. ROSCO: Oh.
Now, why don't you just go home and count your money...
...and leave the driving to us, Clint?
Clint. Yes.
I'll get it. I get it. I'll get it.
[CHUCKLING]
Deputy Dawg never even checked his money.
I don't think he would ever have suspected counterfeit...
...if the picture on the bills had been Daffy Duck.
- Light me, sweet cheeks. -You got it.
There you go.
More soil samples.
Yeah, we have to get the new assayefls report out right away.
Nothing can go wrong now.
ROSCO: Hey, you look at this, boss. Look at this.
I think I did everything that you taught me.
Dang it, little fat buddy.
I sure wish you could have been here.
You'd love it. You'd love it.
I got $100,000 for a piece of rot-- Worthless swamp, you know.
It's not good for anything except, you know...
...deer and raccoons and little butterflies and crickets...
...and snakes and gators, lots of gators.
BALLADEER: And all that breeding wildlife has a magical effect.
Because folks have always used Hazzard swamp for serious courting.
It's been working for generations.
I just love this old swamp.
It's what got me interested in ecology, Enos.
- You ever miss Hazzard? -All the time...
...and all the good things I remember, like you.
You have really changed. Matured, I guess.
Yeah. Tangling with street gangs tends to ripen you.
Anyway, you haven't changed, Daisy.
Oh, I have. A divorce, been working my way through school.
Now, you've accomplished so much.
Just proves there's more reasons to love you.
That's beautiful, Enos.
And now I've got a confession to make, Daisy.
I didn't come back to Hazzard for the reunion.
- You didn't? ENOS: No.
It's taken me 10 years of shootouts, gang wars and a tour on the SWAT team...
...to get up the courage.
Daisy Duke, will you marry me?
Enos.
- Please don't say it's sudden, Daisy. -Enos.
It's been going on since the seventh grade.
I...
You make me so proud.
Enos.
- Oops. I'm sorry. ENOS: That's okay, Daisy. I'll find it.
- It's so unusual. -Oh, it's just a little old diamond, Daisy.
No, this plant. it should be filicinae, but there's no spore indication.
A subspecies. Enos, I think I--
Oh, I could've discovered a whole new species.
I've gotta call the university right this minute.
Oh, Daisy, it's been 32 years. I can't wait here 32 more.
Enos, yes, of course. Of course I'll marry you.
Now come on, let's hurry.
BALLADEER: Now, I told you that swamp was magical.
Now, Mama's boys, who were getting more soil samples...
...Just happened to be watching.
RYKER: Okay, they were right in here. And then she bent over...
...dug something up, put it in a bag...
...and then they all got very excited and ran away.
Gallium-arsenide ore. She found it just like we did.
- That hick chick? -ls studying for her doctorate in Ecology...
...you chauvinist ass.
If you went to the beauty parlor, you'd know the gossip.
- Well, she found it just lying there? -That's how we found it, just lying there.
We'll know for sure by what they do next.
[PHONE RINGS AND FAX MACHINE WHIRRING]
What's it spitting out now?
It's a fax from the university about that fern I found.
That machine is slicker than deer gut on a door knob. I'll never understand it.
Listen, while we're waiting, I've got something important to say.
JESSE: All right. -Enos has asked me to marry him.
JESSE: He--? -What?
- I said yes. JESSE: Well, dang on you. That's great.
You've been dangling that boy since the seventh grade.
DAISY: I know. -Daisy, Enos Strate? Are you sure?
- Well, it's not like she doesn't know him. -I always loved him.
I guess I didn't see it because he was always there.
But I missed him a lot and I've realized how much.
- When's the wedding? -Saturday.
- This Saturday? -We're racing.
At the finish line of the race. All Hazzard will be there. We want everybody to come.
Well, she'll save on invitations.
[LAUGHING]
It'll be the biggest wedding Hazzard has ever seen.
Oh.
- Where is Enos? -Oh, he had to go home and lie down.
This'll be the biggest wedding in the history of Hazzard county.
- That's a fact. Congratulations.
I hope you all are going to help me here.
- We'll be there. -We'll do whatever you want.
Enos wants Rosco to marry us. He gave him his start in police work.
And Bertha Jo Barlow is gonna be my maid of honor.
[FAX MACHINE BEEPS]
- Bertha Jo. -Yeah. That's as far as I've got.
You remember Bertha Jo. Threw you out of the second-story window in third grade.
Cured my fear of heights.
LUKE: Enos? Man.
I knew it. Look at this.
BALLADEER: Now, y'all just witnessed history: The first fax to Hazzard.
ROSCO: “Environmental impact study.“ DAISY: Mm-hm.
Why, this is silly, Daisy.
Everybody in Hazzard knows that the environment has no impact on us.
No, no, no, Rosco. What this means is that you cannot develop the swamp...
...until you fill out this entire government form. Which is gonna take you weeks.
What that means is I wouldn't be signing any leases on Saturday.
Unless you'd like to face a nice little federal investigation?
What investigation? What do you mean. investigation?
LUKE: We'll see you. BO: Thank you, Rosco.
- Oh, Rosco? -What?
Could you rush our marriage license through the county clerk's office?
- Why? Who's getting married? -Daisy and me, sir.
Saturday, and since you're now the justice of the peace...
...we want you to perform the ceremony.
- We sure do. -Well, I guess I could.
- Thank you, Rosco. -Thank you, sheriff. We appreciate it.
- Well, that's- -Thank you a lot.
That's all right, you dipstick.
Well, Mama always said that...
...Enos would find a wife before I do.
[BABBLING]
So? Lose the form. Like, misfile it.
And when they ask you, tell them it's been misfiled.
Have them make out another form for you. Haven't you dealt with the government?
Well, no, yeah-- Are you kidding? Misfile it?
MAX: Yes. -Oh, now, see that's brilliant.
That's the reason I like working with you, Mama Jo.
- You're a real pro. -Thank you.
- Sorry, I misfiled it. -Right.
I'm sorry.
I misfiled it.
So now we know. Daisy Duke did find gallium ore.
Last thing we need is the Dukes telling somebody or the feds snooping around.
- We've got to do something about Daisy. -Yeah.
Ryker, tell your boys we're doing another Adirondacks caper.
- We still got guys serving time for that. -Shut up!
I don't think that's a good--
I don't wanna hear that. Look, this assayer's report says...
...it is one of the richest samples of gallium arsenide ever.
In Hazzard swamp. And they can't make super-computer chips without it.
We're talking money by the megaton.
- Now, take care of Daisy. -Yeah, yeah.
[RINGING]
BALLADEER: That afternoon, Bertha Jo was moving up again in the prelims.
But, boss-- I mean, sheriff, boss, I can't hit a woman.
- Of course you can. You can whip her. -You think so?
Of course. She's littler than you are. Cletus...
...the entire manhood of Hazzard's in your hands.
- Now, get in there. -Yes, sir.
[CROWD CHEERING]
[BELL RINGING]
How was that?
BERTHA JO: Oh, my gosh.
[SQUEALING]
- The maid of honor? When? -Saturday, after the race.
[SQUEALING]
BALLADEER: That probably means yes.
DAISY: Three tiers: chocolate, lemon, vanilla. Vanilla for Uncle Jesse.
- He loves that vanilla. -He loves it.
- Enough for everybody in Hazzard. -I got it.
- I gotta go sew my dress. -What do you think about this?
- I love it. I'm really get married, aren't I? -Uh-huh.
Okay, I gotta go. Thank you.
SARA JANE: Don't forget your sewing machine.
DAISY: If I forgot anything, just add it on.
SARA JANE: Bye. DAISY: Take care.
SARA JANE: Okay.
[CHUCKLES]
[GASPING]
[MEN GRUNTING]
MAN 1: Get her in the van. MAN 2: Come on, man, get her bag.
MAN 1: Let's go. Hurry up, hurry up.
MAN 2: Let's go. MAN 3: Step on it.
No, no. No, I do understand. We won't say anything to anybody.
Just don't you hurt her.
[DIAL TONE HUMMING]
They'll let her go right after the race, providing we lose.
Now. we're not supposed to say anything to anybody...
...or we may never see Daisy again.
BALLADEER: Things sure turned ugly. Even I didn't figure on that.
They said to tell everybody Daisy has the flu.
- That will explain her absence. -That's gonna be tricky, isn't it...
...considering she's in the middle of planning her wedding.
Oh, the wedding. How are we gonna tell Enos?
- What are we gonna tell him? -Tell him the truth.
Would you like somebody lying if your fiancée got kidnapped?
- Who's gonna tell him? -I ain't telling him. Don't look at me.
- Flip you for it. LUKE: If you think you're man enough.
BO: Uncle Jesse. -Feet together.
LUKE: Yeah. -Go.
- Yeah, you're so strong. -Yeah, you've been out of town too long.
[GRUNTING]
[LAUGHING]
You all right?
Two out of three?
[PHONE RINGS]
- Yeah, what? RYKER: We got problems, woman problems.
I'll be right there. Call you back.
LUKE: it's a little one.
Now, when you boys finish filleting these rattlesnakes, give me a call.
I'll be down picking some more chilies for my chili sauce.
Uncle Jesse, why do we have to do this now?
Well, now, Bo, we gotta act like nothing's wrong.
Just keep on living our lives as if nothing has happened.
- Yes, sir. -Now, here's two more snakes.
They're dead. Well, almost.
Like my day isn't complete unless I get to filet a rattlesnake.
- Well-- -Daisy's been kidnapped.
We're sitting here making snake soup. It doesn't make any sense to me.
[LUKE IMITATES RATTLESNAKE THEN BO GASPS]
[LAUGHING]
- Luke, it's not funny. -Hi, fellas. Daisy around?
Uh, no. She's gone, sort of.
[CHUCKLES]
Well, sort of gone where?
Enos, you know while you were doing that police work out West...
...did you ever work a kidnapping?
Daisy?
ENOS: Oh.
Whatever ransom they want, my folks and me will sign over our farm.
Now, you don't understand, it ain't money that they're after.
They won't let her go until we've lost the race...
...and the lease is signed on that theme park.
Daisy's kidnapped for some dumb old theme park?
You know, Bo, he's right. It don't make sense.
You'd risk a federal charge on kidnapping for a theme park?
Well, no. I wouldn't, but I ain't some crazy lady from the big city.
- Fellas, what are we gonna do? -Well, like Jeb Stuart once said:
When the enemy's got you outmanned and outgunned...
...that's the time to outthink them.
Ain't he smart?
I hope so.
She's over here. You're gonna love this.
[SEWING MACHINE BUZZING]
- Okay, what's the problem? DAISY: Well, your plan won't work.
Enlighten me.
Possum Ugly says that you plan on keeping me till after the race to make sure you win.
And my absence is explained by my having the flu.
- On the nose. -What about my wedding on Saturday?
- Wedding? -At the finish line of the race.
Everybody's invited. I'm making my wedding dress here right now.
If my wedding plans aren't continued...
...people are gonna think it's strange. flu or no flu.
If people think I've disappeared. there won't be a race.
Because everybody in Hazzard will be looking for me.
Hold it, hold it. Nobody is so tacky they get married at the finish line of a car race.
Well, I am. Enos proposed to me. I finally said yes.
- He's been waiting thirty years. MAX: Oh.
- That's crazy. -Not for Hazzard.
If Enos comes looking for you and he finds you--
Well. he's a Los Angeles police sergeant.
- Well, he's a long way from Hazzard, babe. -He's not in L.A., babe.
He's that big boy that threw you through the window.
And he wasn't even mad at you, then.
MAX: How will you plan a wedding?
Well. obviously your boys are gonna have to help.
- Like run errands and things. -This broad's nuts.
Oh, Mama Max, have you ever been married?
- Sure. Lots of times. -Really? So you like weddings.
My favorite things. After Jeopardy.
Look, I know this is forward of me...
...but would you please help me plan my wedding?
But this is insane.
DAISY: My mother died when I was born.
I've never had anyone who knows about taste and stuff.
- No, it's impossible. -At least think about it? It is my wedding.
I would be the last person in the world to spoil a wedding, but I--
Well, then just advise me, please. I mean, like, I had this idea about the bridesmaids.
- Like, should they be dressed in daisies? -Daisies?
- Yeah. - No, no, no. That is so sans golit.
There. You see, I would have "sans-golited" all over my wedding.
For a daisy motif, you should carry daisies in your bouquet.
Your bridesmaids should wear yellow. You're in white. Those are daisy colors.
I love it. Oh, I love it.
Mama Max. See, I would have never thought of that. You see, I just--
- You have to help me, please. -All right.
I guess it wouldn't hurt if I just advise you. Ryker, give her anything she needs.
- What? -Thank you.
BALLADEER: Now, ain't women something? They can be mortal enemies.
But they'd interrupt the last judgment to plan a wedding.
- Man, I can't believe this. -Come on now, let's go.
We can't even try to win the race while they're holding Daisy.
So we gotta try to find and rescue Daisy before the race?
- Except that won't work. -Really? Why not?
That's exactly when they'll expect us to make some move.
When won't they be expecting us to make some kind of move?
- During the race. -What? While we're driving?
See, it even fooled you.
Uh...
- How y'all gonna do that? -Got no idea.
Besides, first we gotta find Daisy.
- I got a question. -Just one?
What in the world's Uncle Jesse cooking?
Hold still. What did I say? Hold still.
- My hem's gonna be crooked. -Mama Max, keep that door closed.
- Roy, get out. -Ryker, quit fidgeting.
- Daisy, how do you cut on the bias? -Oh, it's a little trick I learned.
MAX: Oh, that's great.
Oh, the cake. I ordered a cake just covered in daisies.
Forget the daisies. Use one, tastefully centered.
- Right. I'll call the baker. -No. Wait. Ryker, nobody knows your voice.
You go make the call.
- Do I have to? -Yes. And take that dress off, silly.
And put your pants on.
Change Daisy's cake? Well, okay.
Just one daisy on top and not a lot of little ones? Got it.
May I speak to Dai--?
That's funny.
Daisy didn't say anything about putting little daisies all over her cake.
There's just so many places they could be hiding her.
I mean, she might not even be in the county.
I gotta take this chili over to the square so it can be judged tomorrow.
Somehow, it's just not my best effort.
My heart just wasn't in it.
[PHONE RINGING]
- Hello, Duke residence. -Hi, this is Sara Jane down at the bakery.
- May I speak to Daisy, please? -Hey, Sara Jane. No, I'm sorry.
- She's up in bed with the flu. -Oh, I'm awful sorry.
You see, I just got this strange call from some man...
changing her cake decorations.
But Daisy didn't have it that way to begin with.
- Did you recognize his voice? -Just some Yankee.
Well, that must just be the way she wants it, Sara Jane.
Hey, thanks for calling. Bye.
[LUKE LAUGHING]
Daisy is still planning her wedding. Somehow, she's got the kidnappers helping.
Man. she must be driving them crazy.
- Having them run errands for her. -Bringing her stuff back from town.
- They gotta go to town. -They gotta go to town.
BALLADEER: So the boys watched all the places...
...that'd have anything to do with putting on a wedding.
There was only one bakery, just one dry-goods store...
...and a general store had everything for a wedding...
...including invitations and shotgun ammunition.
Hey, Bo. One of those old boys from the bar fight...
...just went in the dry-goods store.
Either he's shopping for Daisy or he's taking up Home Ec.
I'll check it out, Enos.
- Hi, Bo. -Howdy, miss.
Bo, get. He's coming.
[TIRES SCREECHING]
- Come on, Bo, let's go. -Calm down, we're not in any hurry.
LUKE: What do you mean? -Well, we know where they're going.
LUKE: What are you talking about? ENOS: Where?
- Look what I found up under the wheel well. ENOS: What's that?
- Lint. LUKE: The old cotton mill.
Yeah, you got it.
MAN 1: All right, I took care of it.
MAN 2: Give you the key?
- Come on. -Yeah, yeah.
The old cotton mill. it's been closed for years.
They got enough firepower there for the Hatfields and McCoys.
BO: We're supposed to go in there and rescue Daisy...
...in the middle of a race, right?
Think how surprised they'll be.
BALLADEER: Friends, there's fixing to be more curves than a bucket full of snakes.
BALLADEER: So the boys did a right smart amount of thinking...
...then laid it out for Enos and Cooter.
All right, y'all know that the moonshine racecourse...
...goes half on the road, half cross-country. As long as you pass each checkpoint...
...it doesn't matter what route you take to get from one to another.
So that means we can leave the course...
...go rescue Daisy and still get back in the race.
- Exactly. -How many guards y'all figure at the mill?
The same ones as at the Boar's Nest. We already whupped up on them.
I figure that's one thing we got in our favor.
And what happens at the mill?
That's the fun part.
What do you mean, switch cars?
After Kam clears the first checkpoint he pulls into the woods...
...you meet him there with this.
Later, you meet him at the last checkpoint at U.T. Road and he finishes in your car.
In case they check the engines at the finish line.
You see, with this engine, we'd forfeit.
No, hey, I never agreed to no switching cars.
That's the car we bought you.
Now, you do want Double Zero back in one piece, right?
Right.
Good.
We'll be in touch.
If he only knew what else we got cooking for the Dukes.
MAX: Now what's the matter, Clint?
ROSCO: Mama Jo, I was just thinking, you know.
I know nothing's gonna go wrong. but I was just wondering...
...if there happened to be a little flaw in this law...
...you're still gonna build that park in the swamp.
Sure, of course I would.
Well, see, the Hazzard folks, they could use that.
Well, you stop worrying your handsome head about that, partner.
Well, that's a--
[RYKER GROANS]
What's that?
Soil samples for construction tests. Don't you remember?
We gathered them when you took us to the swamp site?
Now, don't you worry, Clint.
- Everything is in the bag. -Yes, sir, in the bag.
[BABBLING]
BALLADEER: Meanwhile, the wedding plans was cooking like a Tennessee barn burning.
Miss Hazel called everybody to pick up their patterns and materials...
...and that was that. Slicker than eloping.
And by choosing this fabric, it's lighter and it doesn't wrinkle so much.
- Oh, that is perfect. It's really pretty. -Yeah?
But how will the bridesmaids' dresses be ready by Saturday?
Oh, a Hazzard gal can buy the material and the pattern, do her nails and her hair...
...and be in the dress when the fella picks her up that night.
[CHUCKLES]
I'm so sorry your mother won't see you in your wedding dress.
My mother missed all my weddings.
And she's alive.
DAISY: Mama Max... -Yes?
I was wondering...
...would you be in my wedding?
Me?
Do you mean it?
I never knew my mother...
...and I miss her now more than ever.
But after all your help, well, I'd be proud if you'd stand in her place.
Oh.
Oh, my dear.
I have always dreamed of planning my daughter's wedding...
...only I never had a daughter.
I-- Yes.
[GIGGLING]
Oh, Daisy, we are gonna have a wonderful wedding.
Some guy named MoJo just showed up with his gang of gorillas.
Said you sent for him.
Show him in.
What's going on, Mama?
You'll see.
MAX: MoJo.
Hello, Mama.
Ryker, meet MoJo and the boys.
Extra insurance in case the Dukes try something stupid.
Come on in.
BALLADEER: The big day finally dawned...
...and never had Hazzard seen so much going on at once.
Everyone was all head up about the old-fashioned fashion moonshine race...
...between General Lee and Double Zero.
For the first time anyone could remember...
...most folks was betting against General Lee.
They were setting up for the end of the race and Daisy's wedding.
Her bridesmaids were all gussied up and ready to go...
...and next to that was the rattlesnake-chili cook-off...
...where folks were real excited because all the judges were still alive.
And unbeknownst to everybody, Mama's boys were working on a surprise...
...for the Duke boys along the route.
Now, y'all pay attention.
Back at the mill, Daisy was hoping her con had allowed the boys to figure out...
...where she was.
At the Tough Person fight, poor Bertha Jo and Bubba were the finalists.
Friends, it was heart-rending.
[CROWD CHEERING]
[MOTOR REVING]
BO: Rock and roll.
JESSE: Bring him home, boys. LUKE: Yes, sir.
Listen up, all y'all. Keep the hammer down but watch it on the jumps.
Hey.
[MOTOR REVING]
[GUNSHOT]
BALLADEER: The fun began.
You see, being a moonshine race, the loaders had to load boxes of water...
...as if it was moonshine.
First to load was first away.
Bo, give me a hand.
Great.
MAN: Let's go.
[CROWD CHEERING]
[TIRES SCREECHING]
BALLADEER: So the Dukes was off to a bad start.
And poor Daisy was still working on her dress...
...and wondering if there was gonna be a rescue for her wedding.
All right. Let's go.
BALLADEER: And at the Tough Person Contest, the very worst had happened.
You see, Bertha Jo and Bubba were gonna have to fight for the championship.
[CROWD CHEERING]
[BELL RINGING]
Fight.
BALLADEER: Double Zero had to be well ahead of the Dukes...
before the first checkpoint for Mama Max's plan to work.
And they were.
Bo, look out.
BALLADEER: They just thought they was off to a bad start.
BALLADEER: Y'all wanna see that again?
Watch.
Bo, look out.
[BO WHOOPS]
- You got a little sideways. -I did.
You keep going. I'll come back later and explain what happened.
I wanna hear that.
BALLADEER: Meanwhile, at the Tough Person Contest...
...once Bertha Jo and Bubba actually squared off, they simply couldn't fight.
Love had messed them up bad.
It'll do that.
[CROWD CHEERING]
- Bubba, you ain't even trying. -Well, neither are you.
[BERTHA JO GRUNTS]
BUBBA: Honey, are you okay?
[BERTHA GRUNTING]
BALLADEER: The boys picked a rendezvous point with Enos near the cotton mill.
General Lee would head for the first checkpoint...
...to prove that the Dukes were stiff in the race...
...while Luke went to the mill to start the rescue plan.
Are y'all following this?
Now, old Kam had already passed through the first checkpoint.
He pulled into the woods and swapped with the hotter Double Zero number two.
Kam figured General Lee had been slowed down at the barn...
...so with a hotter car...
...he could just stay on the roads and win easy without even going overland.
That was his second mistake.
The first one being to come to Hazzard and cross the Dukes.
[CROWD CHEERING]
Bubba, you hit harder when we play Scrabble.
Yeah? Well, you ain't thrown a decent punch yet.
What's the matter, afraid you're gonna break a nail?
[BUBBA GRUNTS]
- Bubba? Are you okay? Bubba. MAN: One. two. three...
...four, five, six, seven, eight-- -You're faking.
MAN: --nine, ten.
[BELL RINGING]
You're out.
[CROWD BOOING]
BALLADEER: At the first checkpoint, Bo and Enos showed they were still in the race.
Then they cut across country straight for the cotton mill...
...where Luke was up a tree trying to penetrate the compound.
[MEN CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]
I can hit it from here.
Yeah? From here?
BALLADEER: Now, while Luke was doing his circus act to get in...
...back at the fight, it was pande-doggone-monium.
Most folks could see a better fight by just staying home any Saturday night.
[PEOPLE SHOUTING]
BALLADEER: Looks kind of like a Hazzard wedding, don't it?
[HORN HONKING]
MAN 1: Bubba, come on back here. MAN 2: Yeah.
WOMAN: Cheaters! Come back.
LUKE [OVER RADIO]: Bo, this is Luke. I'm on the roof. What's your 20?
Yeah, we just pulled in the woods behind the mill, Luke.
What kept you?
Listen, I'm gonna go through the roof door and scout for Daisy, all right?
[GUN COCKING]
MAN 1: A semiautomatic can do that.
- So do you really, really like it? -Oh, yeah.
- You do? MAN 2: Definitely. Looks good, girl.
- Get back in here, quick. MAN 2: Oh, leave her be.
MOJO: What's next?
Hey, Bo, remember those guys we gave the fighting lesson at the Boar's Nest?
Well, these ain't them.
LUKE [OVER RADIO]: These guys are armed like Desert Storm.
Must be eight or 10 of them.
Don't you love the way we stay a couple steps ahead?
Mama Jo must have hired some mercenaries.
And I don't like these odds. Looks like 10-to-3.
We best go find some help.
LUKE: We ain't as young as we once was.
Hey, speak for yourself.
Who do you suggest I go get, the Hazzard Girl Scouts?
LUKE: Just go. Now.
All right. We'll be back. Hang in there.
BALLADEER: Well, so much for Plan A.
Back in town, Uncle Jesse took second prize for his rattlesnake chili.
WOMAN: Nice work.
BALLADEER: But he couldn't enjoy the victory for worry.
BERTHA JO: Stop this truck! BUBBA: No!
BERTHA JO: Stop it! Stop it. -Bertha Jo.
BERTHA JO: You threw the fight.
How am I ever gonna trust you again?
Hey, I hardly even felt that sissy kick of yours.
BERTHA JO: Oh yeah? Feel this. -Come on.
BO: Hey, hey, hey. Hey, whoa.
Hey, Bo.
Bertha Jo, Bubba, you really wanna fight?
Yeah.
BO: Bertha Jo.
Hey, Luke. Hey, Luke. Hey, Luke. We're back.
Listen. I didn't get the Girl Scouts. but are you ready for this?
BO: l got Bubba and Bertha Jo. -Nobody's ready for Bertha Jo.
How you planning to get in?
Well, country charm, of course.
[BIRDS SCREECHING]
Pow!
[BERTHA JO CRYING]
- Hey. MAN: Hi.
- Y'all got any spare gas? -Sure. Where's your car?
Down the road. My boyfriend ran me off.
Now, why the heck would he wanna do a thing like that?
I keep looking for love in all the wrong places.
I'll bet you do.
Can you hold this for a second?
[GRUNTING]
B.J., was you flirting with him?
Does it look like I was flirting with him, Bubba?
Way to go, Bubba. Way to go, Bertha Jo.
Tie him up. Get this one.
When Mama Jo calls, we bring Daisy to town.
- Now, Mama said no guns. -What?
So drop them in the sack.
[MEN GRUMBLING]
Look, what do you want me to say? Something's come over her.
Look, we got bats, clubs, blackjacks here. Help yourself.
MoJo, look, this ain't the Mafia.
They're just hicks. Please.
MAN 1: Don't do it. MAN 2: Don't. Come on, man.
All right, great. Tonight it's Christmas and you're Santa's elves.
Drop them in. Let's go.
Whoever's holding Daisy is mine.
BALLADEER: Looks like Mama's boys are about to meet...
...an irresistible force carrying a sledge hammer.
Ready, y'all. One, two-- Enos.
I'm sorry, Bo.
Three.
[SHOUTING]
[GRUNTING]
[SHOUTING]
Bubba.
[GRUNTING]
[CHEERS]
Where's Daisy?
[GRUNTING]
Say nighty-night.
Hit him.
- Hit him, man. -Luke.
- Now? -Now.
Yee-haw!
BO: All right, you. Come on.
- Luke, what took you so long? - You were doing good.
Thank you.
Oh, no. Not again.
Can't we talk this over, Mr. Enos?
Oh, no!
Hey, buddy-ro, where's Daisy?
- She's in there, Enos. -Thanks, Luke. Thanks, Bo.
Enos. Hey. Hi.
ENOS: Daisy.
Get me out of here.
- Daisy. DAISY: Hey.
ENOS: Oh, Daisy. Daisy, I missed you.
- Are you okay? -I'm fine.
Did you miss me?
Yes, you know I did.
- All right. -Hey. Hey.
We got a race to run. Come on.
Yeah, we do.
BALLADEER: Kam and Double Zero passed through the checkpoint...
...sure the race was as good as won.
LUKE: All right. Okay, let's go.
You'd do well to stay away from windows, son.
All right, get in the trunk, kidnapper.
You're kidding, right?
Maybe you'd rather be a hood ornament?
DAISY: So I sewed them all together and I got it. Do you like it?
BERTHA JO: I love it. -See you at the wedding.
- Okay, all right. -Oh, my God!
BO: Hey, hey, Bubba.
- Let's go. -Have a nice ride.
- Let's race. BO: Yeah.
BALLADEER: Though they had little chance to win...
...they took off for the second checkpoint...
...because when a Duke starts a race, he finishes.
Besides, the Duke farm and Hazzard Swamp were still at stake.
- Hey, Luke, do you see what I see? -I see both of what you see.
Buzz, what in the heck are you doing?
- Boys, y'all was snookered. BO: What?
You've been racing Kam's car with an illegal engine.
Kam was supposed to finish the race in mine, but now mine won't start.
Especially without this.
Kam. You just might want to leave Hazzard while you still can.
Look, y'all, I just wanna race General Lee one last time.
So, what do you say? Fair and square to the finish line?
- You got a bet. -May the best man win.
BUZZ: All right.
Y'all realize, if we win this race, people are gonna be really upset.
Of course, if Daisy was dressed by the time we cross the finish line...
...they wouldn't lynch us.
You want me to dress for my wedding in this car that's gonna be racing?
- Have you got a better idea, Daisy? -I could help you.
DAISY: Now, don't you peek, Enos. LUKE: You ready?
- On your signal. -All right.
[GENERAL LEE'S HORN HONKS “DIXIE"]
BALLADEER: It was three miles to the finish in Hazzard.
Old Buzz decided to take the road and not risk any problems overland.
He's gonna stay on the road.
The only way we're gonna beat him now is if we go cross-country.
BALLADEER: It rained the night before the race...
...which made the ground as solid as wet grits.
Sure made the driving interesting.
Now, come on, guys. Let me out of here. This ain't funny.
All right, look out, we got some bumps. Hang on.
[GRUNTING]
Hang on, now.
[ALL SHOUTING]
Bo?
Ow!
BALLADEER: Meanwhile, old Buzz and Double Zero were closer to the finish.
So, fellas, what are we gonna do about Styx River?
- Well, we're gonna jump it, that's what. -What?
BO: Well, we've done it before. -We were younger.
And dumber.
[ALL LAUGHING]
Enos, open your eyes. You don't wanna miss this.
- Daisy, that dress is something. -That ain't what she's talking about.
- Look up ahead. -Hang on.
[ALL SHOUTING]
LUKE: All right, all right, all right. BO: How'd you like that, Ryker?
- Wow, that was great. -All right, coz.
BALLADEER: Old Buzz was at the Hazzard town limits.
Oh, it was gonna be close.
General Lee left the dirt and hit the blacktop.
We got a chance now, y'all.
[INDISTINCT CHATTERING]
[CAR APPROACHING]
[CROWD CHEERING]
- It don't look good, Uncle Jesse. -I'm sure the General gave us all he had.
[GENERAL LEE'S HORN HONKS “DIXIE"]
[CHEERING]
No, it's not possible.
[LAUGHING AND CHEERING]
JESSE: I knew you guys would do it.
- All right, all right. LUKE: Hold your horses, fella.
- Come on. RYKER: That ripped my coat, you lug nut.
Rosco.
This guy kidnapped Daisy on Mama Max's orders.
He held her hostage so that we'd lose the race.
You kidnapped Daisy in Hazzard?
Mama Jo, I don't think you've got the brains of a turkey.
MAX: What?
I'm sorry I even conned you into building that theme park.
- You conned me? -That's right, I conned you.
I-- That-- That ore. I got some of that rare-- What's--?
- Gallium-arsenide ore? -Yes.
I-- And I put it in the swamp so you'd find it.
That would hook you into building that park.
Now. where would you get gallium-arsenide ore?
From a state geologist.
I asked for some of that rare ore...
...to use in a mineral exhibit over at the Hazzard High School.
I fibbed a little bit.
- There is no way you thought of this. -Come on, who helped you?
Oh, well, I had a little help from Boss Hogg.
- What? -What are you talking about? Boss Hogg?
- Who? -My little fat buddy.
See, he-- He left his memoirs.
Called Best Laid Plans. Isn't that a doozy?
It tells-- In here-- There's chapters in here...
...about how to sell a blind bird dog or underwater real estate.
And here is the best part I like. He says:
“When picking a sucker--' That's you, Mama Jo.
“--always pick a con man. They're the easiest to fool.
They're always trying to get something for nothing."
Now, the state police-- Now, they sent me a list...
...of the most-wanted real-estate con artists...
...and your name was number one.
Shame, shame, everybody knows your name.
You idiotic, jabbering congenital hick.
Is gonna cuff you and stuff you.
Wait a minute, Rosco. This is my wedding day.
You can't put the matron of honor in jail before my wedding.
Mama Max is your matron of honor?
LUKE: Did you know? -What are you--?
Daisy, darling, I would have never kidnapped you...
...if you hadn't found that gallium-arsenide ore too.
What? I found a new species of filicinae.
- You found a fern? -That's right.
COOTER: What is she talking about? LUKE: Filicinae?
How do you know all this?
Let's explain all this later.
In the meantime, let's have ourselves a wedding.
[CROWD CHEERING]
ROSCO: All right, everybody. Everybody, take your places here.
BO: Yep. You're looking good, Rosco.
ROSCO: Ladies, get in place here and let's get this going here.
Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to bury a departed--
- Rosco. ROSCO: Dang it.
I got the string in the wrong place here.
Weddings make me nervous here, anyway.
Oh yeah, here. Raise your right hand.
- As the Deputy Sheriff of Hazzard county-- DAISY: Rosco.
COOTER: Deputy Sheriff?
- Who is it? -Excuse me, folks.
- I believe I'm lost. -L.D.?
- L.D.? -Daisy?
- Who's L.D.? -That's my husband who ran off.
- You mean your ex-husband, don't you? -Yeah.
Boy, I am lost.
ROSCO: Wait-- Wait. -Daisy, wait a minute.
ROSCO: What a minute, what about this?
What are you doing here?
Well, I drive the bus for the Chickweeds. it's a country band.
[SIGHS]
- Daisy. WOMAN 1: Oh, my--
LUKE: Daisy. Holy smokes-- BO: L.D.
- You've done enough. -Are you okay, baby?
WOMAN 1: I can't see. WOMAN 2: Stand back from her.
BO: She's coming around. -There she is.
ENOS: She's okay.
Oh, boy, I'm not ready for this. I can't get married. I just can't.
ENOS: What? -I can't get married.
I'm sorry, Enos.
But I can't do this. I can't marry you.
One look at him, and it all came back to me...
...and I'm just not ready to try this again. I'm sorry.
After 30 years, I wouldn't want you to rush into anything, Daisy.
I was gonna give this to you on our honeymoon.
It's that apple peeling.
I went back and got it. See, it's an S, for Enos Strate.
- Enos. -You keep it to remind you.
We belong to each other. Even fate says so.
I'll just have to wait until you-- Till you grow up.
[PEOPLE CHUCKLING]
WOMAN 1: Oh, that's sweet.
It's okay.
Well, does anybody want a free wedding?
[PEOPLE LAUGHING]
Hey, Bubba. Bertha Jo. What do you say?
You guys fight so good already...
...why don't you get married and make it legal?
[PEOPLE LAUGHING]
MAN: Come on, y'all.
[PEOPLE CHEERING]
Hey, don't put that book away, Rosco.
[JESSE CHUCKLING]
Y'all come back now, you hear?